It may sound counter-intuitive and is definitely completely opposite to what people in general claim. But I carry the opinion that if someone tries to change you — in whatever way — it means he does not love you. Those who want to change you or want you to change your lifestyle or way of thinking, simply want you to make them happy, they are merely using you to their advantage. If people love you, they would accept you the way you are. But what advantage do they fulfil by transforming? One factor is the general tendency to enlarge and boost their own ego by pointing out mistakes and flaws of others. This helps them in forgetting and ignoring their own shortcomings. This is the most widespread motivation behind criticism.
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How To Make The World Happy
Everyone seems to yearn to make the world happy— the leaders, the social workers, the teachers, the youth, the parents, everybody. Nobody has the formula; in fact, nobody even seems to have any idea about what happiness implies, yet such eagerness to spread joy! It is not surprising then that in this eagerness we only end up creating more chaos, those who we try to make happy become more sad, those we wanted to make happy end up becoming more miserable. A lot of effort and pain could have been saved if instead of trying to make others happy — that too without even knowing what it actually means — we ourselves become happy first. When we are happy and full of joy and love, that warmth is spread in our environment and those who come in our contact experience it as such. A blown out match stick cannot ignite a flame, only a burning one can do. If you yourself are sad, how can you bring happiness to others? A warm and beautiful smile on your face has the strength to lift people from depths of depression and dejection, to uplift spirits and give courage to people to move ahead in their lives with vigour and agility. Gloom spreads gloom, happiness spreads happiness. Again, happiness is the characteristic permanent state of a mind at peace with itself; it is not pleasure, which is momentary, transient and is only concerned with its own interests.
Conflict And Love
The whole world is in conflict, either in the form of war or disputes. In families there are conflicts in relations. If you observe closely, you would discover a conflict within yourself — your ideals and philosophy against the practical wisdom on how to survive the world. Your professional life is nearly always in conflict with your personal life.
Continue readingFriendship And Service
What is a friend? When do you decide to call a person as your friend? You say ”A friend in need is a friend indeed”. But as far as my memory goes, I have tried my best to help everyone who sought my help — irrespective of whether they were acquaintances or not. On the occasions when I could not help, it was solely because of my limited potential and capabilities. If you tend to help only selected individuals who come in your ‘friend circle’ and shut your doors to everybody else, then I would say that you might be a good friend to your fellows, but not a human being. As for relationships, you need not tie people into bonds in order to love them. Love freely, expand yourself, spread happiness.
Celebrating Relationships
I have never been able to understand Friendship Day, or for that matter, any similar day — be it Mother’s Day, Father’s Day or Valentine’s Day. It might be the norm in the countries and cultures where the individual is more important and people tend to live an isolated life. As soon as children grow up, they live separately and only on selected days meet their parents — after seeking an appointment. When such is the norm, I doubt if friendship has any more meaning than a mutually beneficial agreement with unwritten clauses. All this is unthinkable for Indians. Here our ethics tell us to sacrifice the individual for the family, sacrifice the family for the nation, sacrifice the nation for humanity, and to sacrifice everything for the Divine. We believe in relations, and making and keeping bonds. Relations come first and are the foremost consideration in every decision making. I do not see any sense in having a special day to celebrate a particular relation; for me, every day is Mother’s Day, every day is Father’s Day and every day is Friendship Day.
How The Mind Helps In Sustaining Relationships
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In one of my earlier posts i mentioned the importance of maintaining a harmony among different planes of our being — physical, mental and spiritual. In another post I explored various reasons behind the over-occupation with the physical while ignoring the mental plane. My hypothesis is that this preoccupation is due to an eagerness to impress others who are more likely to see our physical plane rather than the mental plane.
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How To Escape An Argument
I am a very kind person. Almost. Whenever I get involved into any discussion, I try my best not to let it turn into an argument. I listen to the other person and let them have their own opinion and point of view. Sometimes. At other times, I get deeply annoyed and irritated, and lose my temper. Most of the time. What is my criterion of a healthy discussion? Besides the generally accepted social norms like not to make personal comments, not to use obscene, vulgar or provocative words, not to make remarks related to caste, creed, religion, gender, social status etc, I also give importance to information. An informed discussion and argument is always a healthy one. But most of the time you would find yourself either witnessing a discussion or yourself getting involved in a discussion with a person or group of people who don’t even have basic information or knowledge about that subject. I agree that having a complete knowledge about any subject or field is nearly impossible and also there is no end to the learning process. The more you explore, the more new questions and doubts arise in your mind. But I am talking about having basic information about the field which you are discussing. Otherwise you are fooling yourself only, given that the other person could be well informed. Well, I have also witnessed arguments where none of the parties had any information about the subject and both of them were giving heated arguments to support their points of view. In such cases, I do the wisest thing possible under the given circumstances — run away.
Continue readingWhat is in Name? A Lot!
— Did I keep you waiting for long?
— No, not much. We too came just a while ago.
— Ordered?
— No, not yet. We were waiting for you to come. What would you like to have? Tea, coffee, cold drink?
— Tea.
— Any special one? Special, less sugar, more sugar, black tea, ginger tea, lemon tea…
— Stop stop. Nothing of that sort. Just ordinary, plain tea.
— Anything with it? Samosa, pakoda…
— Stop it man! Just go and order whatever you want to eat. I would take only tea.
— OK fine. As you wish. Chhotoo!
— Is that his name?
— No, just like that.
— Then?
— How could I know?
— Did you ask?
— Who cares!
How many people take for granted the name of the person who comes to clean their offices, or the postman, the milkman, tea man, canteen fellow, shopkeeper. Have you yourself ever been curious? It is strange that people hardwire to their brains the names of all cricketers, footballers — not from their own country but also from others, of movie stars — people whom one never meets, has no chance of meeting either, and it does not make any difference if one meets or not. But one doesn’t show the same enthusiasm to discover or simply query the name of the person whom one meets every day — on a routine basis. Simply because they are not important? But aren’t they?
It is not the same as the innumerable ways people call their little ones — king, queen, prince, princess, angel, fairy, pearl, diamond, bird. Also not the same as the nickname they put for them, sometimes a shortened form of their formal names, sometimes an entirely different name; or the ones that their classmates and friends choose for them — naughty, diminutive, stupid, and affectionate. But here, there is neither any affection, nor a circumvention for comparatively longer and complicated names. Here, it is complete apathy, lack of concern for the people whom one considers ‘less important’, their identity, in fact their existence in our world. It would not be practical to keep querying the names and remembering all of them of all the people one encounters in the journey through life — people whom one meets in buses, trains, trips, other places and cities. Instead, we are talking here about the people one meets daily, on a routine basis, who mean so much for our comfort, if not for survival, yet are taken for granted.
Then there are so many of us who can’t even take the smallest trouble to spell correctly (in writing) others’ names. Isn’t it simply an utter contempt and disregard towards the other person? All our big words of admiration and respect do not sound honest then. It hardly takes less than a minute to carefully observe the person’s name in its correct form and to commit it to memory. Even for few complicated words, especially from other cultures, one can invent formulae and mnemonics (without telling the person, of course).
Surely it all depends on whether and how much respect one wants to give the other person. If the answer is in negative, then what is the point in starting with the communication and connection at all? Let us not forget that the sweetest sounding word for any individual from any country and culture and speaking any language is not the name of God, instead it is one’s own name.
Now, here is something to cheer you up:
— Such a sweet child! What is your name, little one?
— Monu.
— No, no, not that. The school name.
— Bal Bharti Public School.
Pradyot 